Moonlight Delusions
by NBLE999
Summary: A young man hears screams of help coming from a haunted house. What horrors await him there?


**Moonlight Delusions**

**A/N: Hey everybody, so this might be the most nonsensical, fucking edgiest story I ever wrote. Hell, even as I am writing this intro, I'm not even sure how crazy it should be I need to be because this is my first trollpasta. This story is so bad, that not even an exorcism will rectify all the nonsense that goes down here. Also, there is some content rated 12A (or PG – 13 if you live in the US), so approach with caution. Please heed this as a cautionary tale about loving your fictional characters and being able to distinguish fiction from reality, or some shit like that. With that said, sit back, relax (if you can), grab a drink, and, for fuck's sake enjoy.**

It was night time. A young man walked down the road of a dark, quiet suburb, that was only illuminated by the ominous, amber streetlights. His name was David, a quiet man whose background we don't need to hear about because it's not important.

Anyways, he walked down to his house, passing by a number of wanted pictures taped on streetlamps. These posters were demanding for the capture of Jeff the Killer, an insane, poorly – written, vainglorious edgelord that was being chased by the police for murdering thousands of people…and wasting everyone's time with his bad backstory. Other posters featured another killer Toby Erin Rodgers, a.k.a. Ticci Toby, a broken, troubled, yet stealthy and surprisingly well - written killer who of course was Jeff's rival and Slenderman's best proxy.

David was just about to turn the corner, when a loud, ear shattering sound broke the silence. He whipped his head around, priming his ears to search for the source of the noise. All of a sudden, he heard the haunting, frightening, ominous cries of a man coming over from one of the houses in the cul – de – sac near the woods.

"HELP! PLEASE HELP! THIS FUCKING BITCH HAS ME LOCKED UP IN HER WEEABOO BROTHEL DUNGEON AND-!" his cries were cut off.

David was very frightened, he looked around to see if anybody had woken up and got out to see what the hell was going on. The suburb was still dark, except for the ominous streetlights. At first, David was appalled that nobody came out to see who was screaming, thinking that everybody that lived on his street were actually assholes. However, it could've been that maybe the bitch in question had them scared too, and that made him angry for his community as well as the poor sap he had to save. After taking a fucking century to do anything, David literally leaped into action and booked it to the house.

The house was very different from the other houses. It was an old, rickety, wooden house built in a gothic style and had a dead tree outside on the front lawn. **(OHH SO EDGY!)** David took one look at the house and thought, _Why do I get the feeling she's probably gonna do more than suck my blood?_

David creeped awkwardly yet stealthily around the house, looking for a way in. He carefully tiptoed over fallen leaves and quietly leaped over a lawn mower blocking his way – **like a ninja. **Soon enough, he managed to find the broken basement window and peeked in. What he saw, was so horrifying, so ghastly, that not even **I** feel comfortable writing it.

**Ah, sure fuck it. ****¯\\_(****ツ****)_/¯**

Inside, he saw a pile of wet – looking body pillows piled up in the corner, a wall completely covered in VERY GRAPHIC rule 34 art of Creepypasta characters (mostly Jeff, Toby, LJ, BEN and Slenderman, some of which were either drawn poorly or done in the anime style – **very well done**) and stacks upon stacks of fanfiction that was likely shittily written smut fics. In the centre of all this debauchery, was the guy screaming for help, shirtless, tied up in a chair with a ball gag in his mouth and a neko sleepmask covering his eyes.

David shimmied in through the window and went over to the man quivering in the chair. He flinched when the sleepmask was pulled off and looked up to see if it was his captor. To his surprise and relief, it was our intrepid and down – to – earth hero. David gently got the ball gag off, allowing him to talk.

"What happened? How'd you get here?" he asked in a whisper.

"I … I…gugh…I was just walking back home when SHE knocked me out with chloroform from behind. It was dark as well and I couldn't scream. I've been down in this shithole for TWO FUCKING NIGHTS MAN!" he screamed, before quietly sobbing.

"Has she done anything bad to you? Like…forced passionate hugging?" David asked awkwardly. **(Gotta keep it PG kiddies!****)**

"N – no…not yet. Sh – she said she's gonna make me smile b – b - better," he answered, trembling fearfully.

Before David could untie him, they heard a clatter from upstairs. David quickly hid behind the pile of smut fanfics and held his breath as she came down. As he hid, he noticed that there was a particular smell, a very smelly smell, the kind of smelly smell that smelt SMELLY. What set him off was that he noticed one fanfic was titled "Mr. Soleander Moon" much to his disgust. Bad grammar really FUCKING PISSED HIM OFF! THSIS WAS THE LAST FUCKING GODDAMN STRAW! He was definitely deck this bitch silly if he and the guy ever get out.

He looked through a gap in the piles and saw the most underdressed and EXTREMELY edgiest weeaboo he had ever seen. She was wearing just a very small purple nightie with Sasuke Uchiha on the back, and had dyed her hair dark blue, purple and red. When she turned around to stand behind the guy, he noticed that she had a Chelsea grin similar to that of Jeff the Killer's. Not only that but she was heavily made up, with exotic purple eyeshadow and the THICKEST EYELINER, not to mention blood – red lipstick.

He squinted to see what she was doing and noticed that she was measuring his shoulders. _Oh, shit! Is she gonna cut him up or something?_ He thought. Suddenly, he heard her speak.

"Yes, I think the hoodie I bought for you today will suit you just fine, Jeff - kun! **(I honestly cringed while writing this -_-)** Soon enough, you will be the most handsome boi in the world, and once I'm done with your face, you look like a GOD," she smiled, while drawing on his face using a crimson lipliner.

"M – my name… is P – Patrick, not Jeff—" he stammered.

Suddenly, David broke the silence by tearing through the smut pile, basically obliterating it in one swift move **(like a ninja, /:)****)**, and striking the vampire weeaboo cringe bitch with the largest text he found. He smacked her onto the ground a few times until he was sure she was out. He moved to Patrick and tried to release him from his bonds, but the wench had tied the knots too tight.

"Jesus, these knots are tight!" observed David, echoing the last sentence.

"WELL, HOW THE FUCK DO I GET OUT OF HERE?!" cried Patrick.

David pondered for a moment and said, "Well, I'm afraid I'll have to carry you out of here."

Patrick sighed and replied irritably, "Fine, fine, let's just get this fucking over with."

With that, David picked up the chair with Patrick still tied to it bridal style. It was done with very little effort as David had been working out recently, so he was pretty built, buff and swole, like John Cena. **( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)**

As soon as they both reached the front door, they heard a noise from behind them and found the witch, bleeding profusely from her forehead but smiling adorably. For you see, she had now set her sights on both David and Patrick.

David was so shook he almost dropped Patrick in fear as the girl staggered ominously towards them, slightly giggling before whispering, "T – toby - senpai…"

"Dafuq?! She thinks I'm that goggles killer now?!"

Without missing a beat, David burst through the front door without opening it and quickly ran into the woods behind the house. Patrick was getting motion sickness from all the running and looked to see the bitch sprinting crazily after them, her hair streaked with blood and highlighters while her ample chest was bouncing provocatively. That was enough to make him projectile vomit almost instantly, causing the girl to slip in the puke and fall flat on her face.

Elsewhere, two wanted killers were locked in battle, kitchen knife vs. two hatchets. Jeff eagerly clutched the knife and mockingly chuckled, "Well, well, T – t – t – t – Toby, we meet again!"

"R – really, Jeff? That's the b – best original…ngh…insult y – you can c – come up with? God you're p – pathetic," the young man responded.

"I'm not here for a war of words, retard, I wanna make you and your two other proxies," he growled, holding the knife up, "go…to…sleep."

"Is that r – really going to stop me? I ha – have two hatchets, and I'm g – gonna –"

Suddenly, the two killers heard panicked, manic screaming growing louder as both David and Patrick came stumbling into the clearing, both drenched in sweat. Their eyes widened in terror as they realised who was looking down upon them and screamed ominously in teror. However, both killers were completely bamboozled. Why was there some buff dude carrying a shirtless guy tied to a chair with flecks of vomit on his face?

A rustling in the bushes snapped them out of it and both David and Patrick took off, while Jeff and Toby looked towards the source of the noise. Soon enough, the delusional vixen tore out of the bushes and collapsed again. She looked up to see…it was none other than her senpais!

Happily, she leapt up, completely caked in puke and blood, with the biggest smile ever. Toby and Jeff looked at each other confused and took two steps back as she held her arms out.

"Dreams really do come true!" she proclaimed, "Now I don't have to kidnap randos and turn them into you two."

_Oh fuck not another one!_ they simultaneously thought.

"Now let's…go…home!" she growled seductively with a thirsty expression.

Instantly, Jeff lunged towards her with the knife while Toby leapt into action with his hatchets. Her screams echoed ominously through the dark forest and could even be heard by the residents in the nearby suburb. One man turned to his wife in bed and whispered excitedly, "I think it's over now."

"Thank, FUCK!" she replied.

Toby and Jeff walked away from their kill, leaving behind a jumbled, gory mess of intestines, hair, fabric, vomit and blood. Both David and Patrick were running in circles in the woods, well David was anyways, and found themselves at the clearing.

They were about to step out from the trees, when a tall, ghostly white demon with no face, clad in a cool black, sexy AF Giorgio Armani, good - looking suit teleported out of the fucking blue. Both men could only watch as the demon "looked" down at the remains, before his back tentacles ripped out a chunk of earth and threw the bitch's remains into the hole and buried it. Much to their surprise, they heard this faceless monster utter, "Disgusting," before disappearing altogether.

Now that they were safe, David came out of the trees still holding the chair and began to untie Patrick. Patrick fell and kissed the ground in sheer relief and crying, "Oh thank God, thank Yaweh and Allah. I'M FREEE!"

"Cool!" David smiled, "now let's just get out of here."

"Okay – ow! Shit, those ropes really dug into my wrists!" Patrick winced.

"How about I d – dig my hatchet into y – your skull?" whispered Toby from behind, covered in Jeff's blood.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

***Insert Jojo's Bizarre Adventures to be continued meme***

**A/N: So, if you made it to the end of the story and you're confused, then it means I've done my job right! I honestly don't know what the fuck came over me when I made up this story, but hey, here it is! XD**** If any of you have enjoyed this weird story, then please leave a review and fave it if you want. Have a nice day, everyone!**


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